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My Scars - March 18th 2003
 
I read and weep
and lose my balance
falling face first
into the hard pavement.
Do you want to see my scars?
 
They cover my once soft skin,
and I bear the shame
that they represent.
They do not stop there,
for my scars are more than skin deep.
 
My heart is cut and bleeds into my veins.
My lungs burn up into my throat.
My eyes are sore from straining to see
the beautiful parts of myself
- of my skin.
 
My muscles ache and my fingers cry in agony.
There is blood beneath my nails from scratching my body raw.
I was trying to find the beauty beneath my scars.
I couldn't find it.
 
 
 
 
My Fabulous Love - August 2nd 2002
 
She was my fabulous love
all of me within her.

Natural harmony and beauty.

Like poetry.

But we staggered through glass
And were never balanced.

Such a needy,
Endangered,
Alternative love.

We were depleting.

My skin -
Sliced.
Red.

I had to go.
Run.
Leave.
Have a minute to see.

Why is she now in peace
When I am here,
Consumed by the darkness?
 
 
Flashbacks - October 14th 2001
 
flashbacks
of god,
who hates me,
for being me.

just breathe
is what she told me.

i'd rather not.

i cannot see or think clearly.
i can just shake
uncontrollably.

what am i supposed to do
when the only answer
is one that i am not willing
to accept?

my eyes are closed.

i'm sorry.

god is fiction.
hate is fact.
i'm trapped in a non-fiction novel.

i call it life.